Smoker's habits

As I sit down to an empty article and think of what to write about, I always reach for hand cream, and then awkwardly sit with cream on palms, because now I can't write. Much better than sitting completely motionlessly. Maybe the same reason I reach for the smokes?

And, speaking of smoking, the worst five seconds happened five hours ago. I'm walking towards the shop on a rather narrow sidewalk. It's cold, so I have my gloves in pockets and a cigarette in my mouth by itself. A woman walks towards me and, not wanting to accidentally blow smoke in her face, take the cigarette out of my mouth with the mittens, but those are mittens and you can't handle the cigarette with mittens, so I play the Hot Potato with actually juggling a burning object in my hands, and while I do that, I miss the sidewalk and stumble. And, obviously, lose the smoke, as well as respect from the random stranger observing me.

HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE

I am not scared of the interview. The worries will begin when they take me. There are so many aspects that I have no clue about. Am I expected to look for clients on my own? Am I expected to understand how Latvian tax system works? Negotiating with local governments? Do I wear a suit to work every day? What if they don't think my hairstyle and shitty facial skin are appropriate for this type of job - whatever it is? 

Sidetrack. Why the fuck would evolution give humans cramps? I just googled and "The actual cause of night cramps is unknown". 

Six hours ago I read how scientists have connected brains of two lab rats that are thousand miles away. (BBC) The futuristic prognosis was that this might be a step towards millions of animals working together on a problem, a fucking Utopian joint intellect. And they can't explain the cramps?

I really hope my search skills suck, because this is not the world I like to live in. 

I forgot to do the electronics for tomorrow, shit

Goals

Five years ago I started to write a blog in Latvian. Today it surpassed 9000 views in total.

Five months ago I started to write a blog in English. Today it surpassed 2000 views in total.

Seven months ago I casually fell for a girl as soon as I met her. Then she mentioned that she lives in the city where I was moving to. Then she mentioned her marriage and two kids and how she's near 30 and is a professor at the Academy of Arts of Tallinn or something.

Seven minutes ago I sent a motivation letter to apply for a position that I have zero knowledge or experience in, and I really hope that my amassed writing skills will work this time, because I need a job and I need money and I need new experience and I need to get off my ass and do shit.

Here's me being super slim in a forest two years ago.

Who needs who

I don't know how to keep up with all the music that's worth listening to, since I just get so obsessed with some bands that there's nothing else on the daily playlist. It's been Dark Dark Dark for the past weeks, with a slight detour with Matt & Kim when I wanted something simple and catchy. And Nick Cave's new album is much better than expected and that's probably the next addiction, but I'm still not over DDD for now.

I love how the editing class is actually my pace and I might actually have the balls to edit an assignment. Despite the fact that everyone, including the lecturer, had problems with crashing, saving and importing media on the timeline, the Mac environment starts to feel somewhat comfortable as well.

In other news, I'm currently writing a motivation letter to apply to a position called "export sales manager to Latvian market". This is how desperate I am, trying to get the first job that looks for a student who speaks Latvian, despite the zero education in business or marketing. I will not provide a link to the site as they might trace the pageviews back to this and just might assume that I'm not motivated enough.

No, but seriously, I'd love to work for a change.

Terrible statistics

Early January I made the mistake of listing all the cigarettes I've bought. Today I calculated that since 2013 has started, I smoke a cigarette every 4 hours on average. That does not sound right and hopefully it's due to an error, but I'm too scared to do it all again.

In 2009, I had a brief adventure with a girl who drew the eagle of Winston cigarettes' logo on my arm with a pen, and I thought it was cool.

Tonight, I drew my own eagle, and let me just point out that it took way more time than it should have, and it's 5 in the morning again, what the fuck.

On politics, journalists and students

Journalism is in a crisis.

Jesus, that would be a terrible introduction, if I actually published this outside of a personal blog.

I'll be honest and point out, that I have no idea how was it 10 years ago, last century or whatever. Right now, however, it saddens to see what is published. The content, form and hidden dishonesty of the author make the news reading/watching unbearable at times. Somehow, radio news have never done that, and maybe it's because I only listen to two different news programs on the radio.

There was a case in the Latvian magazine "Sestdiena" where they published results to a poll, whether Latvian citizens trust euro as a currency or not.

Possible answers:
*Yes (as in, I trust in euro)
*Rather yes
*No
*Rather no
*No opinion

The problem was not with the results (most people with opinion did not trust euro at the time of poll), it was with the presentation. The journalist did not publish all the results, which could have been done with a pie chart easily. He/She (the name could not be found, so I couldn't sue the asshole) counted "No" and "Rather no" answers together, to get the majority, and then finished off with "Only 13% trust euro". In fact, it was never mentioned in the short article, what the possible answers were. So, if I had not seen the original poll in the origin website, I would have assumed, that 13% said yes, 60% said no, and a whooping 27% didn't care, which would not be surprising, but it is also untrue. That was a clear manipulation of data, and I assume, that at least 90% of people, who read the article, had not seen the actual results. So, fuck you, whoever did this, that was the same level as Some people say technique.

The publisher, who's responsible for the magazine also publishes the most popular newspaper in Latvia, "Diena". In November, as I came home, I glanced at the "above the fold" sections of some "Diena" issues, and almost got a stroke from the dishonesty of a statement. "Obama wins by a small margin."

How about fuck you, 332 to 206 is not a small margin, that is way over 60% of electoral votes, which, obviously, is not stated anywhere near the front page. Nobody, except the losers, care for the popular vote, because that is not how USA elections work.

Alright, there were the cases of dishonesty.

The source. Today, as part of TV Journalism class, we had screenings of some student-made news stories. Some of them had interviews with politicians. One specific piece had an interview with a prime minister and some deputies and some experts as well, as far as I remember. It was on the proposal to decrease salaries for the government, I think. Sounds great for student journalism?

I don't think the group that produced that had ever seen the news. They included opinions from people on the street, that didn't have an opinion. Yes, that's great, show me more nothing. It appeared as if some interviewees were included just because they sounded clever. A Russian lady, whose response was also included, said this: "They need to pay average people better, I don't care for the government." Alright, so no opinion about the original question, but included just to mess with us.

But the worst was saved for last. One of the "journalists" that concluded the story said this: "But what really concerns me is that only 23 out of 101 seats in the parliament are held by women."

I don't give a shit about what you're concerned about, especially not in this manner of presentation. Women have half the votes of the country, women have rights to compete for the seats, and, yes, while there is some sexual discrimination, you are not helping by doing a mediocre story and then blurting out "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE TO COMMENT ON WHAT OTHERS SAY SO HERE'S ANOTHER ISSUE"

And I also don't give a shit that it's a story done by students. They had gained access to parliament and government, and they ruined it. If they wanted to do it on politics, I suppose they think they're interested and capable of doing it.

I can't promise perfect results, there were worse jobs, but this set me off.

And then there's this guy, who also plans to become a journalist, and if he doesn't fail his exams, I'll lose my trust in Latvian University for good.

Yesterday

The constant reevaluation of my choices and other people I'm connected with makes the whole Tallinn experience feel like some eye-opening journey and a transition into a worse person rather than the expected careless student life.

I have people that can only be categorized as "ex-friends", just because the friendship ceased to function with September. Not the expected ones.

By the way, I've had two visitors, except for family. That's great, for a foreign country, but not that great if considering the fucking actual distance and price (you probably spend more even for a shitty party). At least 10 people promised to come, at least 5 started to make plans, getting my hopes up, just to cancel just because of a lack of initiative. And this is the part which I really hate. Was that small talk and was I not seriously supposed to care, or am I losing some value?

I realize the problems with long distance relationships, on whatever levels, but this is getting ridiculous. Also, I can't seem to figure out a way to fit in the small circle of people I know here, so the problems are pressing.

On the pleasant side, we had a great rehearsal, and we'll have more. And I'm playing with another coverband in Saaremaa in early March. And probably getting a cajon. And probably going to Scotland.