do you think your theoretical masturbation will change anything?

20.01.2013
12:14

Alright, so it's Friday, the last exam and one of the screenings have ended, and we have completely moved in the new apartment with V. The first thing to do is, obviously, buy cheap whiskey and make a housewarming party. However, the few guests that responded to the invitation were all late. In fact  I got drunk an hour before the first ones. And I continued to get drunk, and I thank the divines for sparing me next morning, but, haha, I am messing with the timeline, am I?

The first guests, L and S, are a strange couple when it comes to interacting with me. Despite my thoughts of them as the typical naive lovebirds, not only they seem to like hanging out with me sometimes, but they are actually fun to get drunk with. I can hardly explain any better, but, yes, being wrong can be nice.

While I had noticed this before, but I actually don't fucking remember what happened before we went to the bar. I know I bought more wine, conducted dubstep, played music with those guys, holy shit, there's a video even, will upload upon getting home.

Then we went to the bar, and while others bought beer and cocktails  I did the first sensible thing in a long time and only ordered food. My pride about this is not justified, yet exists. And then, trying to convince myself that E was not flirting, I go home, find that L and S are super kind and have left me a place to sleep. There was a warmth in my heart, when I saw that they, even drunk, found their own pillow and made their own bed, not just used mine. They did take my blanket though, so I had to look for another one, but it was dark and silent, so I took the first thing to cover my body, and that turned out to be the coldest thing in the universe. And I woke up from cold 30 minutes before the planned time, made advanced-as-fuck breakfast and headed out.

About eight hours later I find myself in a tram packed with junkies and bums, heading north-west. We buy a couple of bottles for us and head to L's place. The first awkward conversations fade away after the first hour, since everyone is trying to get drunk and sociable. Then I manage to create a drama between L and her boyfriend (whose name I don't remember), alcohol is gone completely so me, V, J and, oh shit, forgot her name, go to Hell Hunt. At some point I, again, realize that I can't get over my obsession with self. That ends with waves of shame and attempts of self-control.

The Romanian was 26 years old, with awesome hair and beautiful face, but there was something else. A necklace, that was a fucking eye magnet, and the lowest piece was right at the cleavage. It was not slutty, but it was so beautiful that the beauty had become sexual as fuck. A poor description, but I was struggling hard to keep the eyes off and ended up not looking at her at all, even while talking to her, and that might have made me look even more like an asshole.

Half an hour later, I'm in some bar's smoking room and a girl, whose cigarette I lighted a minute ago, notices that I'm looking at her awesomely dirty yellow hair. "It looks as if you want to start a conversation with me." That has to be the nicest thing to say to me, because, yes, of course, but I'm too awkward to do that.

We talked for a while and there are a few things I remember.

1) She renovates old wooden doors.
2) Her eyes were red, and I mean traffic light red, as on a weed marathon after a sleepless week.
3) She was drinking water.

As you may have noticed, the numbers in the beginning of the article suggest that I started to write the piece at 12:14, so, on the bus from Tallinn. It is now 12 hours after that. It was a great day. In the Tallinn flat, I've been way more productive than any other place, because there's no internet around. Today I was not even trying to find time to actually finish this thing and to upload it.

***

Things are not always good. For example, there's reason to believe that I was being avoided recently because I get drunk too often. And that's just bad, since I might have to switch back to "get high alone and don't cause problems" system for a while. There's always the "you are smart and play music, so get some self-esteem without drugs" but that's hard.

People around you are only afraid cause you can blast them far far away.

The pictures related with the events will be added as illustrations during the next posts.