Great Expectations

The expectations of May 2012 were to enjoy the sudden space I had in private life. It seemed like a great time to try out all the things I was not allowed to even think about during the previous 2,5 years (spent with J). I mean, I apparently was able to get nice girls before and now, since I am single, I can do fucking everything, all over again, right?

A few weeks later I wrote that "relationships finally start to fall into places" and that might have been my worst observation ever. What I did predict alright was that there were going to be enough connections, but somehow none of them turned out alright.

1st girl, L
Drunk, in a shitty bar, and she initiated everything. I broke down two days later, crying over the phone to my best friend how I was used as a revenge to a fucking boyfriend (or three of them, I'm still not sure about it). That was also the first wave of regret about breaking up with J, however, I still managed to fall in love with L for months. This was probably due to the need for replacement, as my conservative body refused to adapt to being alone.
2nd girl, D
This was just a repetition of events 3 years ago, not surprising at all. Actually, we continued throughout the whole summer, and while I though that was acceptable, it created a storm of shit when J and some others found out. Honestly, the drama that developed over this was the most interesting thing to happen to me the whole summer. It sparked a creative genius in me that I'm still trying to follow up. Otherwise, surprisingly little feelings over it.
3rd girl, S
This was weird, still not sure how to feel about it. I really tried to find a phrase describing the mind-fuck that was happening, but no luck. "Mind-fuck" will have to do. We were taunting each other for a week or so, and I lost the track of reality. Hopefully, she did too, but that will never be known, since she's a great actress (or a liar, same thing here). Still, valuable experience. And, of course, I fell in love again, so for some weeks I had three girls I dreamed about.
4th girl, E
I was drunk and I wanted something funny to happen. While regrettable, it was funny and I'm not taking it back. Another reason for initiating sex was the challenge to convince her. Honestly, easier than I thought. And actually, less shitstorm than over D. Puzzled about that, but, oh well, experience.
5th girl, G
Most regrettable of all, firstly because I felt she didn't want to speak to me for quite some time after that. The second thing was the responsibility. While always admiring the looks and personality, I never really seriously develop a thought of us together in any way. She was unstable in several ways and it seemed she always had too many men trying to get to her. I shouldn't even fucking try to analyse this, as I just realized I never met her since the middle of July, and that might be the shittiest mistake I've made.

The natural conclusion is that I never did anything right in the summer, regarding girls. Oh, and of course, there were two other ones that I fell in love with immediately after meeting them. I made the worst impression by being drunk, high and/or miserable in front of them. As I said, I never did anything right in the summer, regarding girls.

The summer was mostly spent drinking the heartache away and singing "Somebody to Love" (both Queen and Jefferson Airplane, because I am so fucking musically educated).

And that was not expected at all.

Another expectation was that if I got hungry enough, I'd be able to wash the fucking dishes and make myself some decent food, but instead I downed a pack of grapefruit juice and ate too much fucking bread. Good one.